I do not heart spiders.

So, I am afraid of spiders... And I'm not talking a silly little childhood, funny little, "ha ha I don't like spiders" fear. I'm talking FOR REAL. For realsy reals even. They make the hair on the back of my neck stand up. If one is crawling towards me, or on me, I totally freak out, my heart stops, I freeze... usually scream. I cannot kill them myself or be anywhere near them. They have this, like, extra joint in their leg that makes me want to vomit... the way they walk... I just threw up a little thinking about it. Anyways, so this thing I have with spiders is very, VERY real. That back story was absolutely necessary for the story that is to follow.
So I am going to bed (head out of gutters please) and I'm all tucked in, got some nice relaxing music going, and I decide to read for a little while to make me sleepy. So I pick up my book from the night stand, which I haven't read in two nights because I was house-sitting and forgot it behind the last two nights, and I casually open up to the dog-eared page (bookmarks fall out and I always loose them). And there... inside my book... just waiting to jump out and kill me... was a reasonably sized spider. Now, by "reasonably sized" I mean definitely big enough to bite me, crawl all over me with its super creepy way, kill me and take over the world with it's pure evil. Hiding... in my book. So, I did what any grown up would do. I immediately threw the book across the room the first insta-second that I saw it's creepy little hairy legs. (Guess how fast an insta-second is... go ahead... guess... It's fast. So fast I made it up. Sucker.) It crashed. (The book, I mean) Apparently nobody else in the house cared, or even bothers to check my crashes anymore because they are so used to spider drama. And then, like a three year old, I watched the book for a few seconds, frozen in fear, and then quickly turned off the light, pulled the covers up and told myself that it was okay now, go to sleep. And I laid there... lay there?... I was there, in bed, unable to move, or sleep, or think about anything but this reasonably sized (tiny) spider that could be crawling over me at any second. I don't know if I killed the spider... I don't know if it crawled into my sheets that night and is still there, quietly waiting to make it's move... I don't know if it crawled into the nearby boxes that sit packed and is waiting until I take it away to Reno where it will kill me and then continue to take over an entire metropolitan area. Because I am three. And, clearly, the grown up thing to do when presented with a dilemma in life is to throw things... quickly... and possibly scream like a little girl... although I do not recall such events... I hate spiders... dot dot dot.